Confessions of a Born Spectator

Location: India

I am me.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


This is the truth. My truth. Yet again. I know.

I have realized in 23 years that no one is old enough to know anything that is of much importance. Sure, people have their own views about life but they are nothing more than perceptions designed to suit their own convictions.

I've heard people all around me tell me how the only thing you should really listen to is the voice inside you that somehow always has the answers. I fear, I think, that I may have a name for that voice now. God. Yes. God. Maybe. Uncertain.

I have not seen God as such and I attributed much of the importance given to him because of this very fact.

All this changed on the night of October 18. It was around 1 or so in the morning. The lights in my room were out and the only movement was that of the blades of the ceiling fan swirling around creating a comfortable image on the wall opposite of me while also serving the purpose of breaking the awkward silence I found myself drowning in. There was a storm building inside of me. The kind I cannot recount weathering last. I recalled how I had solicited his presence that very evening probably knowing that pigs had a better chance of flying than my prayer being answered.

The next thing I remember is His answer.. Yes, His answer. He answered. Not in the traditional way of a voice from the sky commanding me but much more suttle and soothing. I felt it. The Bible says that The Lord works in mysterious ways.

I tell you this. He does.

Ladies and gentlemen, God Exists. Without doubt. He does. Never have I been more confident of this presence.

I am reminded of a quote I saw on a David Blaine show:

For those who believe no proof is necessary. For those who don't none will suffice.

This sums up everything I have to say on this subject

Now, I have never been the religious kind. Not because I am an atheist but because mostly, religion always sounded like an absurd fairytale to me. I did, however, always believe in God. Maybe because I was taught to believe in Him.

I can now say this with supreme confidence that no amount of teaching will ever make a believer out of a man unless he sees it for himself. I did. And I believe. I always did, I suppose, but I understand it now. I understand Him now. He replied that night. As wildly imaginative as it may sound.

I had asked a favour off God knowing somewhere in my heart that it would, in all probability, be wishful thinking.

I shall only repeat the Bible again, here. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Sigh… Salvation lies within.

Oh, and if you run into a flying pig you now know who's responsible :)


P.S - All the best for Pilani :)

Monday, September 22, 2008

The Story of my Life

This is what I could come up with for now.

Have you ever heard a song that moves you to tears?
Have you ever felt out of place in this world?
Has anyone ever 'known' you?
Have you ever been touched by the power of silence?
Have you ever felt true pain? No, not the kind of pain you think you feel. The kind a mother feels whose two year old breathes its last while looking into her teary eyes.
True love exists.
Do not be smart enough to question it.
Do not be foolish to accept it.
Most of us are blind.
Never break a promise or a heart,
Friendships do not break if you do not stay in touch. Anything differing from this to the extent of the difference is not friendship
Life is simple. You make choices and you don't look back (The Fast and the Furious - Tokyo Drift)
Sing... Even if you can't
Dance... Even if you can't
Do something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
Much like what you parents have done for you
We are the chief source of our joy and grief.
Do not let life interfere with your living it.
You are not the only one.
Religion has not failed in its quest to teach us. We just choose to interpret it according to our convenience.
I'm selfish. Just like you.
It isn't what you think it means.
Pause your life. Is this what you wanted?
What next?
Talking is the one of the worst forms of communication.
Forgive people if they repent. You're not God. (Only I AM :D)
Are we really free?
Are you the same person when no one is watching?
Your salary will never buy you a life.
You CAN always, somehow, manage to get yourself out of the mess you get yourself into.
Don't worry. Be happy. It isn't just a song title.
Unblur the line between living and existing.
Maybe your tears are a sign that your body can no longer keep an emotion bundled inside it.
My parents are perfect.
Just life yours.
Your denying it will not change facts.
Emote... In whatever way you choose.
Have a good time. That's why we're here.


Monday, August 25, 2008

You know you're in Chandigarh when ...

I found this particularly interesting :)

1.) University elections become more important than MLA, MC elections (SOPU, PUSU bruuahh)
2.) Explaining Gehri to outsiders becomes a tough task
3.) 'Uphill' can only be understood by you
4.) You always have a 'pind' to goto every month
5.) Kaimbwala requires no further defining
6.) You always have a separate budget (after buying a car) for bigger tyres, alloy wheels, stereo, woofer
7.) Shopping in guys' vocabulary refers to buying daru from Jugnu Ahata and soda, glasses from any confectionery
8.) Names like Neelam, Nirman, Kiran, Jagat, Batra, Piccadily aren't just names but entertainment centres
9.) Car-o-bar refers to drinking with glasses on the dickey of the car in sector 8 market late at night
10.) Paranthe wale are the chefs who come out late at night at sector 16 to make paranthe and chai for late night partygoers
11.) Abbreviations like GCG, MCM mean a lot without knowing their full forms
12.) Guys speak in loud Punjabi when a group of girls passes by and girls start speaking in English everytime a group of guys passes by
13.) The city seems too slow and dead and everyone heads to Delhi
14.) The traffic cops start the challan drive in the last week of March to end the year in good numbers
15.) Everyone has a 'massi' in Canada, and a 'bhua' in UK
16.) Once upon a point Valentine's Day meant tractors on Gehri route and speeds of only 5 km/h
17.) A new year's bash is incompete without a fight
18.) Any party is incomplete without a fight
19.) Everyone has some political connection
20.) Stu C is more popular with non students
21.) You are proud of being from a particular school and a passive member of its alumni group (Stephen’s,YPS, Vivek, Sna, GNPS, Carmel, SJOBA etc.)
22.) Going to the dog show means checking out the girls more than the dogs
23.) Owning a Bullet while still in school is an achievement
24.) Spending upto Rs 2 lacs on number 1 for a car's number plate does not raise any eyebrows
25.) Kinetic Hondascooter is referred to as Kiney and Bullet bike as Bullt

26.) You are proud of being a Punjabi
27.) 'Mallo Malli Khadak Piyan' sticker is found on many cars
28.) Guys are called by their surnames, (Brar, Sidhu bai, Dhillon) and followed by "Kiven aa, Kidaan!!"
29.) 22g, 62 is only understood by you
30.) You are shocked to find out when someone doesn't drink and is a vegetarian
31.) Many ppl are 'vella' when asked what they do
32.) Everyone's been to the Rock Garden and hate to show it yet again to family friends/relatives from other cities
33.) One hand, while driving, is on the 'muchh' and the other on the steering wheel
34.) Everybody knows everybody
35.) Every new party place has the same old faces
36.) A new car, bike etc. first comes to the Gehri route n later to the gurudwara or mandir
37.) Coke and Pepsi come in small 'Sheeshee'
38.) Your every sentence has a " Ma Di" or "Bhen Di"
39.) Anyone and Everyone has had food at "Pal Da Dhaba" and "Giani Da Dhaba (Dharampur)"
40.) Desi Ahatas are officially called "TAVERNS"
41.) Everyone has heard the song "Chandigarh kare aashiqui" by B21
42.) Bikers are challaned even if the pillion rider is not wearing a helmet and girls are allowed to ride without one.
43.) While in school everyone waits for tuition time to finally talk to the special person (not in a uniform)
44.) Panchkula and Mohali-ites don't mind being called as Chandigarhians
45.) Very few ppl know about the Mosque in sector 20 and the Church in sector 18
46.) Most ppl have been challaned more than once (for speeding mostly)
47.) ... And most ppl have gone to the district courts in sector 17 to get their challans cleared (as it is cheaper than paying the fine at sector 29 police lines)
48.) A good lookin car turns more heads than a pretty girl
49.) English speaking girls are usually referred to as "yankan" or "jhankan"
50.) The "Gehri-on-foot" (à la sector 35 CCD lane, sector 17) becomes more popular


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Time on my Hands

The clock says 12:27 PM and the CST3 database is locked. This means I need to sit back, cross my feet on my desk and sip on a Colada
I am in the middle of the week and I’m looking forward to the weekend. I have plans, you see. I intend to get a replacement on the God of War disc I got for the PS2.( It doesn’t work) I also plan on devouring French Fries(McDonald’s) and Chocolate Avalanche(Mocha’s) along with CadB(how could I forget!).
In other news, I have been exploring my rekindled interest in Game Programming and Animation.
“The reason?”, you ask. Well, it is … umm … cool … Yes, that describes it to a T.
Okay let me rephrase that.
I laid out a few options before myself and pondered on each of them the most prominent one being a Masters in Business Administration. Sure, it is a high paying job but working on documents for the rest of my life is not my idea of a job. Not for now at least. Moreover, money is only an added attraction. The point is that no matter what a reasonably academically educated person does they’ll end up earning a decent sum to support their near and dear ones as well. I, sometimes, don’t see the point in earning enough money to splurge. Sure, I love to splurge but there’s a difference. It is when the splurge turns to a basic need that people turn into morons guided solely by financial gain. You see, people, in general, are idiots. Especially when it comes to simple truths like the one iterated above.
Anyway, I was mentioning that an MBA doesn’t look like a cool enough job. Again, for now at least. Now I’ll give you my point of view.
What if you could do what you really wanted to do? You know, everything you wanted to do before you came face to face with the world. That is who you really are and your needs, dreams, aspirations, everything is/was what who your really are/were. I have always been in love with video games. Even imagining a career that is related to this is enough to give me goose bumps. I think that is how people should decide on what to do for the rest of their lives. If whatever they wish to do gives them goose bumps then it will always be worth the while. I’m not complaining about my current job. I am lucky enough to be in a project where I’ve had the opportunity to learn yet another language, new software and of course interact with people who have a ‘Happy’ aura about them.
Another thing that I am absolutely in love with is teaching. I happened to take English/GD classes for a university in Jalandhar through a coaching institute that hired my services for the same. I remember when I was in college I had many a teacher who would come in, deliver a lecture, take attendance and walk out after 45 minutes. Most of them never bothered explaining why we were learning what we were learning. Now that I know a thing or two about my subjects I can confidently proclaim that I was right when, 3 years ago, I sat in one of my classes thinking to myself “There HAS to be a better way of teaching this”. There is. I think the primary goal of teaching is not so much to make a student understand a topic but make him interested in it. Learnability is individualistic. Anyone can pick up a book, read it and understand it. Most people don’t have a reason to do it. Teachers supply that reason. I believe it is only logical. If you are interested in something your inquisitiveness vis-à-vis that ‘thing’ increases. This causes you to explore that avenue in more detail which, in turn, brings about knowledge in the same field. THIS is the power of education.
Okay, back to Video games (J). I embarked on the commonly feared path of diving in Game Programming. It would have given my immense pleasure to walk a fair distance down this road and then announce to the world that all it’s preconceived notions about how Game Programming is akin to Rocket Science is all hogwash. I dabbled a little in graphics and, well, it isn’t exactly hogwash. Okay okay, it is nowhere near the word but … Come on … Creating your own video game … Or even attempting to create one … A simple one … Now that is what I call COOL!
The above is all that came to my mind as of now. I do not know if my interests will stay the same a year or, for that matter, even a day from now but I sure will be sorry if I do not give them the attention they deserve when they deserve it, which is right now.
While I am still typing away I shall mention that my younger brother will celebrate his 20th birthday in a few days (Aug 24). I am not particularly well endowed when it comes to remembering birthdays but his is one that I always seem to remember. His Highness is essentially a good guy but he ends up in situations where he, subconsciously, lets the world form a nebulous opinion of him and then, according to his fancy, ridicules it for being so biased.
If you ever read this then know that you shall be respected by the world provided you earn the respect you want. By the way, you can count on me for absolutely anything that lies within my limits of fulfillment. I’m saying this because I cannot think of a worthy birthday present!!!
But on a tad more serious note, you can always depend on me for anything irrespective of the massiveness or effeteness of whatever it is you want. This goes out without any clause or condition.
You’re a good kid. Stay that way. An attitude only gets in the way of growth. Try to keep this in mind. The next 3 years will alter your life to an extent that you might not have experienced before but I assure you it will be worth the ride.
I think most of what I just said didn’t make any sense. Maybe it didn’t come out right. Oh well … Have a Happy Birthday, Younger Brother
CST3 is up and running now and I need to Unit Test my code right away. Ahh … I live to fight another day.
Hail QTP and VBScript.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Traversing an adversity together

... is the surest way of establishing a permanent bond between people.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Ae Dil-e-Nadan

Aye Dil-e-Naadaan Aye Dil-e-Naadaan
aarajoo Kyaa Hain, Justajoo Kyaa Hain

hum Bhatakate Hain, Kyon Bhatakate Hain Dashta-O-Seharaa Mein
ayesaa Lagataa Hain, Mauj Pyaasee Hain Apane Dareeyaa Mein
kaisee Ulazan Hain, Kyon Ye Ulazan Hain
yek Saayaa Saa, Rubaru Kyaa Hain

kyaa Kayaamat Hain, Kyaa Musibat Hain
kah Naheen Sakate, Kis Kaa Aramaan Hain
jindagee Jaise Khoyee Khoyee Hain, Hairaan Hairaan Hain
ye Jameen Chup Hain, Aasamaan Chup Hain
fir Ye Dhadakan Si Chaar Soo Kyaa Hain

aye Dila-Ye-Naadaan Ayesee Raahon Mein Kitane Kaante Hain
aarajooon Ne Har Kisee Dil Ko Dard Baante Hain
kitane Ghaayal Hain, Kitane Bismil Hain
is Khudaee Mein Yek Too Kyaa Hain

Love this song


Monday, July 14, 2008

OSD 855 is Down

I sit here (in SDB 5, where people talk loud enough to be heard by the entire floor and where the ceiling leaks when it rains.) waiting, in hopelessness, for the 855 OSD Environment to be up and running again. In this while I have stumbled upon the answers to some of life’s most perplexing questions. You should NEVER, ever, Complete FLOW ACTIVITY manually.

This is it. This is the only thing in the universe worth knowing. Everything else is secondary. It has come to be that I am no longer the college boy I’ve been for so long. My joys of having the rain fall on my face have given way to caution that needs to be exercised every time God weeps so that my trousers are not ruined by earth stains.
I would rather have code that runs than, say, watch a movie. Okay, maybe I went overboard but you get the general notion I’m trying to put forth here.

I am typing these words solely because of reasons mentioned above (Line 1 to be exact).
I’ve already incorporated coffee into my routine. In fact, I love the Lipton Choco Almond Coffee in the pantry. Of course, you know by now that this caffeinated beverage is free of cost here. A half litre Pepsi bottle sits between my monitor and coffee cup holding water just enough water to help me last the day today. My trusty umbrella sits in a lone corner in a mess of ‘official documents’ if you may call them that. The most ahem, neat feature about every cubicle here is the whiteboard and free stationery we receive. It houses quick notes that I make visa-vis my work. I think i like it simply because it makes me feel like I’m actually doing something.
That reminds me … I’m working on VBScript and a bit of Oracle and a mainframe Unix system (Sounds Hi-fi, doesn’t it – it isn’t!!!) and we are trying to automate the work done by the CST (Testing) team during regression. I know you might be lost amongst some of the jargon you just encountered but it serves you right for reading other peoples’ blogs *snicker*

Wait … Checking OSD …

Nopes. No luck yet.

I can hear people murmuring things heard, perhaps, only in horror movies or, of course, on the second floor of SDB 5.
This is just in …
Okay I have to go RIGHT NOW.
It’s our PM’s birthday and as is the tradition here, the entire floor gets to eat free of cost!!!

FREE FOOD !!! WOO HOO !!! (Clicks his feet in the air)